Archive for December 2006

New Rules For The Office – Effective Immediately!

December 14, 2006

SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary,if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hourearly, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ‘A will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.

LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Have a nice week.

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Man Laws

December 13, 2006

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24:The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

29: We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”

“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!

This is our Bible guys please read and cherish these laws as they where the ten commandments. If you break one of these laws. The only way to redeem yourself is a round at the bar or a lap dance at your favorite watering hole.

-v

720p For $500 (Good One)

December 8, 2006

Toshiba HD-A2 on store shelves now

 

After a relatively brief delay, the cheaper of Toshiba’s two second-generation HD DVD players for the U.S. is now available. Shipping in limited quantities to some dealers already, a few AVSForum members were able to pick them up at Best Buy yesterday and today. Priced at $499, in exchange for a new slim design and faster loading times (around 30 seconds from power on to movie play according to initial reports), this revision loses the 5.1 analog audio outputs of the HD-A1. Still, if you’ve been waiting for that bug free (don’t bet on it) second revision hardware with HDMI (1080p coming on the HD-XA2) output not available on the Xbox 360 HD DVD add-on, this is it.

[Thanks, Ken F.]

Ok for the record the Xbox 360 can do 1080p provided you have the vga cable. Yes SO far their is no news of any HDMI set up comming to the 360 but I bet it will. For the money I would get the 360 set up any ways. Even if your not a hardcore gamer the live arcade could entertain even the most cusual gamer. Pair it up with the HD add on and you got the super HD DVD player i have been waiting on since birth lol. I must admit I have a Samsung 720p dlp set so I dont care much about 1080p but I could see the value of not having that feauture and having a 1080p set.
-v

Damn I Knew This Guy From Back In The Day

December 6, 2006

James Kim found deceased in Oregon wilderness

Several news organizations are reporting that rescuers have spotted a man that may be James Kim laying face down in the woods. The man’s condition and identity are unknown at this point. Stay tuned for more updates as they come in.

Update: It pains us greatly to report that, unfortunately, James was found dead by airborne rescuers just minutes ago. Words can’t express our grief concerning this terrible tragedy, so we’ll simply close by saying that our utmost, heartfelt sympathies are with James’ family, friends, and coworkers right now.

 

 

Well not actually but I watched him on Tech TV all the time. I found his reviews actually really helpful and agreed with his style of likes or dislikes. I was really pissed when they sold the station. It really sucks that this day and age we can die from simple things like being stranded. My deepest condolences go out to his family and friends.

-v

Backround on Vadim

December 5, 2006

Background on Vadim (pronounced vuh-DEEM)

The name Vadim is reasonably common in the ex-Soviet republics, and most Vadims tend to be from there. Vadim is a unique name, not a truncation of Vladimir or expansion of Dima, though it changes to localized forms such as Vadimas in Lithuanian and Wadim in Poland.

The history of where the name Vadim originates, and what exactly it means is fuzzy. Several sources that I have heard of so far have come up with the following:

  • Vadim has a root in Slavic vedet or vadit or wiedziec, which means “to know” – as the old magicians in pagan Slavic beliefs were called veduny – “the knowing ones”. “Vedet” still exists in Czech and Polish today (wadzic means “to argue” though).
  • “The Dictionary of Russian Names” says that Vadim came from Scandanavia, probably Norway or Finland. In Old Norse, vedjung means “the secret spirit of the forest”. The name migrated to Russia through the North, likely Novgorod, for it has the closest of all Slavic cities connection with Scandanavia.
  • One of the first Dukes of Nogorod was named Vadim. Vadim Novgorodsky was a leader of a popular uprising in Novgorod (in what is now Russia) in 882 A.D., and he got the nickname “Vadim the Brave” for his great courage in battles.
  • In the Torah, there is a name Obadia (Ovadia) there and it was supposedly transformed into Ovadim, “Vadim” in Russia when Jews migrated there.
  • Saint Vadim was reputed to live in Russia during the 4th century A.D. Bademas is a translation of Vadim, so Saint Bademus of Persia was probably really Saint Vadim. St. Bademus (Vadim) of Persia (+376), now Iran, is celebrated on April 22 – the mane’s or commemoration day. In old Russian calendar, it is April 9.
  • Vadim comes from some old Russian word vaditi which means “to cheat” or “scandal maker”
  • Vadim, a shortened form of the Slav personal name Vadimir, composed of the elements vad (to tame) + mir (peace) or mer (great). This name was not accepted by the Orthodox church as a baptismal name, but it was commonly used in the Middle Ages as a familiar name borne in addition to an official given name.
  • Vadim comes from the Russian ancient Voda, Vodit’, i.e. being a leader.
  • The Dictionary of Russian Names in Art and Literature says that Vadim became popular in modern Russia at the beginning of the 19th century, with the rise of Romanticism.
  • Zhukovsky has a famous ballad entitled “Vadim”
  • Vadim Roshin is a hero in Alexey Tosltoy’s novel “Hojdenie po mukam”
  • Novalis, a famous German poet has a long poem, an imitation of the anciant German saga, the protagonist of which is called Vadim.
  • A common usage in Russia is that of “scandal maker”
  • Check out Vadim according to the Kalabanianas
  • Vadim is originally a Greek name meaning “a person who creates trouble” (This one must be right 🙂 or possibly “unpredictable”
  • Vadim is the name of a story by the 1800’s Russian author Mikhail Yuryevich Lermontov. The text in Russian is available here.
  • Sometimes, Vadim is spelled with a “W” as “Wadim”, especially by Germans, and there is at least one Wadim on the list.
  • Prince Vadim Wolkonsky, grandson of Tolstoy, lived in Rome and appeared in Fellini movies of the 60’s.
  • Vadim comes from the sanskrit word ‘vadinah’ which means ‘to protect’.
  • Vadim has the form in it of the Latin “vadere” which means “to go, to go on, to go for it,” etc.
  • “aVadim” is the plural of “slave” in Hebrew and is found in the Torah, prominently featured in the key Passover formula “avadim hainu bamizraim” (“slaves were we in Egypt”), though this may be a coincidence of language. Here’s how to write Vadim in Hebrew (and another).
  • Also in Hebrew, “Ovadyah” (pronounced like a dimunitive form of Vadim) is a compound of the root ‘-B-D and Y-H.
    – The first root has to do with “labor”, be it forced or voluntary. Its first letter is an Ayin, which can be vocalized as A, E, or O indifferently, just as the second letter (Bet) can be read both as B and as V.
    – YaH is a theophoric suffix, hence the name Ovadyah means “servant (Eved – plur. Avadim) of God”
  • The element Vanadium could have been named after a Vadim. It wasn’t, but that’s besides the point. 😉
  • Vadim comes from the Greek name Didymus (twin) – in the Bible, one of disciples of Jesus, Thomas changed his name to Didymus
  • Vadim consists of two Slavic roots – “vad, vaditi” using the meaning of “attraction” in words like “privaditi”, “povaditsya” etc; “ima, imati” using the meaning of “to have” yielding “one who has attraction”

There are many nicknames for Vadim – probably more than there are Vadims. The more common ones includes Vadyk, Dima, with some less commonly used ones such as Vad and the Russian derivatives of the previous including Dimka, Vadia and Vadimka, Vadyusha, Vadyushka, etc.

**** All this information was pulled from vadim.com thanks to Vadim Akselrod ****

He also has a page on all the Vadim’s on the net.

Joke: Nursing Home

December 1, 2006

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. “STOP!,” he shouted in a firm voice. “Have you got a license for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. “OK” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted “STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?” Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said “On your way, Ma’am.”

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his dick in his hand. “Oh, good grief,” yelled Ethel, “Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!”